| Muahahaha! |
[01 Sep 2025|02:58pm] |
Heehee! This is just to be silly, the normal blog continues below. :P
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| Monday was exciting... <.<; |
[04 Oct 2009|10:55am] |
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mood |
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 I miss her |
] |
I met my girlfriend on Monday, it was pretty amazing. She'd grown so much since the first time we started talking, that she was taller than I was. I don't complain though. ^.^ She had come to town for the Sonata Arctica concert on Monday, so we took advantage of that and stayed together for three days. We had so much fun goofing off, and I showed her the mall around here, and I took her to see my house and meet my mom. We also went swimming on the last day. O.o
Sometime during the first night though, something magical happened... We were left alone for quite some time, and she actually has a libido unlike some types of asexuals, so she started making advances toward me. She kept grabbing my face gently and bringing it toward hers ever so gently... My heart almost couldn't take it, I thought I was going to die when she got close. I refrained, and pulled away from her. She didn't stop though, and she kept wispering sweet words as she crept closer. Eventually, she moved in slowly and was going to kiss me on the cheek, but something in my push forward. I kissed her. It was really weird and her face was touching mine at the mouth, but I didn't reject it. We kissed many more times through the course of the three days. But that one was my first one.
I wish she were here again. :(
Other things happened, but the events are all blurred right now. I just remember being with her and having fun where ever we were, and whatever we were doing. Especially when we tried to have a pool party in the bath tub when the pool was closed. I think there may be pictures floating around somewhere... <.<
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| Bike is good, health is not. |
[01 Jun 2009|06:50am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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I was forced to run out and buy a new set of allen wrenches, but I got the bike fixed. I'm unsure about the break cables though, but I'll just have to wait until I buckle down and bring it to a mechanic. This leads me to newer possibilities again though as it is, because I will no longer have to be bored.
My body, on the other hand, is very much in bad shape. I've got body aches and intestinal pain galore, which has caused me nothing but fatigue and misery for the past few days. I haven't been able to go to the dojo or leave my bed for sufficient time to eat a decent meal, so I feel very weak and drained. Also my head is killing me. The decent part is that I'm keeping well hydrated (So far I recommend those stainless steel bottles). I really need more exercise than I've been getting, because this is no way for someone to live. I can't imagine how people sit at home and play computer and watch telly all day--it's just maddening! I've also still got a problem in my left arm and wrist from the accident, so I'm still waiting for that to heal up regardless of whether I feel like working out anyway. I also think I may have a sprained thumb again. Wonderful. >.<
I need more books to read, I haven't run out and bought any new ones, and my supply is running out! I think I've got maybe three books that can use finishing and one that I'm saving until a rainy day unless I grab the third (and on) in the series. I would also like some video games... <.< I don't really have a clean space to play them (my room became a mess toward the end of the semester), so I should work on fixing my room some too. I need a more elaborate storage system that I can label. I miss having labels on everything; moving here really screwed me up on that. So I think I'll test out my repairs and head up to Walmart to shop on their plastic drawers and such, and then I'll drive my way north to Gamestop and the rest of the shops to see what they have to offer me.
I'd also like to pick up a few decent applications, but I need to fix my hair before that, because I give off a bad impression... =_=;
I think I have a day plan, I might go knife shopping too if I can make the distance, but those shops are always too far to pedal to, so I don't usually bother, but I've got ideas on what models I'd be interested in if I can find a decent price on them. So it is settled, I'll head out in a few hours I believe. Hopefully my body corrects itself while I get exercise--that usually happens when I get really sick.
Also, as an update from the last posting, she and I became friends again. So I guess things worked out after all. O.o
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| Through much turmoil of thought, I've decided |
[10 Jan 2009|04:31am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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To buy the cube version of Twilight Princess over the Wii. As soon as the employees mentioned that Link is no longer left handed on the Wii, it was practically game over for that version. I know I'm missing out on fancy Wii-specific features, but all that is insignificant if Link is not left handed.
Ok, I accept that this is a funny reason to pick a game over another, but it's the truth; I couldn't play a Zelda game with a right handed Link. I basically attribute this to the fact that every girl I've dated, spare for the one I dated back in 04, was left handed. I suppose I have a thing for lefties? Heck, even the girl I wouldn't mind dating is a leftie. I wonder if this is a strange coincidence...
Anyway, so I did get Twilight Princes, and as I was there, I had to decide quickly whether I wanted to spend my money on that OR the Collectors Edition that also contained the first two Zeldas (the second being my favorite). I was in the store for forty-five minutes talking to the staff about the pros and cons of each purchase in hopes to narrow it down for me (because there was also Animal Crossing and other DS games that I'd have also enjoyed too). I'm sure I spent a bit longer than I needed to in there though, because there is a really tall cute girl that works that Gamestop, and I can't help but linger in hopes of speaking to her one of these days... Which I did actually, because it turns out she's a Zelda fan too! ^.^
Anyway, through much lallygagging I bought the game. So I was totally stoked to play it when I got home, as you can imagine. Right when I get home, I pop out Wind Waker and chuck this badboy in the Wii, but right as I begin to play, everyone needs me. O.O I mean, my brother came up and asked me to help cut his hair--he's 21 and in the armed forces. Naturally, I have to oblige him, because I can't say now to his widdle frowny face! :P That takes some time to get done, and I was left wondering why he even needed it at all--I had helped him shave the sides of his head the night before. That obstacle aside, I was ready to become immersed in a game of pure awesome! However, the person who let the dogs out didn't want that to happen... =_= I was trampled by three 150lbs dogs, who do nothing but slobber. Yeah, gross. Then I had to do the dishes so everyone could eat dinner--which I thankfully didn't have to cook tonight, but after all of the struggle and work, I was beat... I didn't get to play the game in the end. T~T
I actually just work up from a nightmare, but I'm almost well rested enough to beat the game today, so I'm thinking about giving it a shot. The nightmare kind of shook me though, because it's almost slightly Zelda related, as in the subject of the nightmare was a huge Zelda fan... Need I say more? >.<; Anyway, now the depression from that dream is washing away, so now I can get something to eat and jump in the game! However, I'll be playing it alone... And that's also as depressing as people hating me forever. =_=
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| Happy New Year |
[31 Dec 2008|09:12pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
Well, I figured I'd visit my mom for New Years, because it happened to fall into the weekly visit scheme anyway. In the morning, we watched a couple movies that I just saw as purely beautiful. The first was In A Day, where a woman has a generally shitty day until a man comes along and gives her the best day of her life. Truly romantic and made me feel like there is hope for me someday. The other film, Kabluey, was about a total screw up who attempts to help out his sister-in-law with the children as her husband was off fighting in Iraq. The camera work and symbolism was especially good in this one. I recommend both flicks, as they also had decent soundtracks too. ^.^
Now I'm just waiting for it to be New Years when the timezone clicks over where I'm "supposed" to be right now. We've ordered pizzas, boneless wings (I hate bones), and we've got Mario Kart set up. Sadly, there's only two players at the moment, but I suspect we'll still have a racing party yet. :P
I've got to return Metroid Prime 3 tomorrow, so I might want to finish the game tonight so I don't have to buy it. :P This Metroid Prime kinda struck me as a bit tamer than the previous two, in that I wasn't at all as frightened of the boss battles. Ridley was back, and I admit that I was fearing a stale "Ridley encounter," but just when I think I'm going to be circling him, we fall down a chasm! So the entire battle is taking place in a vertical plummet! Very cinemetic to say the least. I am disappointed that there isn't a weapon switch that works on-the-fly, but rather a Metroid Fusion-esque ice missile and default gun. This is kinda lame, but I guess they needed to give the Prme series a bit of a shake from the ordinary. There is so much more scanning in this one though, so I'm constantly busy trying to get it all. My mother was watching me and claimed the game to be boring because of it. BUT I MUST KNOW THE STORY!!! She doesn't understand that a good game includes five hours of written text... =_=
Anyway, I think it's about 2109 central time, so I've got a few hours to kill. Naturally, I'm alone and sober, so I'm going to be the one in five people that has nobody to kiss on New Years. Which is fine with me, because I'll also be the one in five that doesn't get either mono or herpes. ^.^ That's the best benefit of not being a slut--not having to worry about the person lying to you about who they've been with. ;)
Anyway, I've got wings and pizza to eat... I've inherited the cursed hunger it seems... =_=;; I'll be eating my boot leather next! >.<;;
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| Well, Christmas is over now |
[25 Dec 2008|11:41pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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And despite a tight budget, it was as vast as every year. O.o To start things off, I ran out and bought my mom a vibrating foot massager that has puppies on it--she's a crazy dog lady... >.<; And she really enjoyed the heck out of that. The parental units agreed that they would both get each other the same gift--a dish washer that actually works, so that rocks (seriously, it's got freakin leprechauns inside that scrub the dishes. o_o). And then the family gift was a Wii, which I was anticipating so much, and the workout that everyone else got from it didn't disappoint. :D Now hopefully they'll be healthier that they're working their hearts more. Then I got clothes, which means lots of comfy new socks and a pair of pants that actually fit! Seriously, if any of you know the horrors of drastically dropping 20lbs, then you need not ask why pants were so important... T_T I got the new Castlevania game for the DS, and so far I've been having trouble with teh giant enemy crab. Where the fuck is the weak spot for massive damage?! T.T
My brother came down to visit, but he forgot his gifts to everyone, but nobody cared, we were glad he showed up. :P It was a nice holiday. Though, with holidays comes trips to distant lands to visit family... >.< That's always uncomfortable for me, and everyone else pussed out on going too, which meant more cheesy corn for me... <.< However they got to sit at home with the Wii longer... >.< Oh well. Food > Nintendo... possibly.
I hope everyone else had a happy Christmas too! ^___^
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| One issue resolved! |
[15 Nov 2008|05:33pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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And thank goodness to, I was really hitting hard with that one, and it was bumming me out. Now the feeling should just fade away to time, since the space is already filled. Though, I am a bit confused, because she's dating a man now... Which would have made me applicable in the first place. =_= Bah, the longer I think of things, the longer they'll bother me. O.o I'll just be happy for her.
Meanwhile, I still have love for Jacie, and she still hates me. I have a strange wanting to be with her, that people will just say I'm an idiot for, because I do feel like an idiot for it. Hopefully she either becomes a beautiful person again so I can safely want to be with her, or she doesn't try to seduce me again so we can remain just friends while she lives how she lives... Though I don't much approve of her using people like that, but I can't stop her unless she wants to fix herself.
I'm depressed as hell, and certainly lonely, so I've got a strong need to be social in a very tight-knit setting.
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[11 Nov 2008|01:50am] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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JayCelyn spoke to me briefly tonight. SHe told me that I'm completely blocked from her life now because of something I did. I swore down to my socks that I would never have done anything to harm her, but after reviewing the records, I did. I didn't come out right and say what she says I said, but I said enough, and I hadn't even realized it. I feel like fucking garbage, and I want to die. I never wanted this to happen, and I don't want her to hate me. I'm not some sort of jerk to do this. I have no ill feelings for her at all, I didn't meant to hurt her! :( Why is this happening?!
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| Well, I voted. |
[05 Nov 2008|10:35am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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Tried to at the very least. Every time I register to vote, they deny that I ever had, or even can for that matter, so I was downright surprised they let me fill a ballet out for the hell of it. Which marks the first time I haven't been turned away at the voting office. I doubt they'll have counted it, but it doesn't matter, the dude one without my state even, so I think it's all cool.
We didn't end up doing anything special, but we just sat in front of the telly watching as the results came in. I made chili dogs for dinner, to kinda throw out that whole celebration dance mood to the night. It was a bit of fun, but I really have nothing else to comment on about it. We voted, the guy one, and then we ate chili dogs... That's the sum of things.
My brother started getting drunk early though, because he just realized that he'd have to swear to protect a black man... XD I'm not afraid that he won't do his job, but I can feel his racist urges nagging him slightly. :P I on the other hand, really didn't have a problem with either of them, duty is duty to me.
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| In response to Shifuimam on Indians in Space. |
[31 Aug 2008|06:33pm] |
This entry is a response to a friend's entry on her thoughts to an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Well, I'm not sure where to start with this one, so I might bounce to and fro on some things until I get to my point. You're not blatantly wrong about any of it, just in a different perspective in which you're right (this will make sense after you study anthropology for a number of years).
I'll start with where you're more or less correct. The Native cultures have all changed a lot since 1492 as a result of first contact. Prior to that point there were no horses, hardly any warfare, and the nations weren't moved away from their ancestral lands to places deemed "unprofitable" by the U.S. Government. Oral traditions remain the same after these changes, but aspects of the daily life was altered. You've implied that it would be obvious that Native culture would have changed through the course of time; this one had me thinking on what you were trying to say, so I guessed at a few possibilities of what you were getting at. The first aspect I thought of is that you meant they would embrace technology, like they have greatly in the past 200 years, and that they would live like people in the rest of the galaxy only with their own oral traditions and ceremonies. Another possibility is that you meant they would dress in hides and return to the land, shunning technology like some Native traditions would interpret their stories to suggest they do. The last thing I could assume you meant by "identical to they way they were five hundred years ago," was that you meant their "race" (race is an iffy topic, because there is no real way to determine race, yet we find instances where we must state it to order our world for ease of understanding. Since race can mean a plethora of things, I shall narrow it down to skin color as opposed to geographical or cultural means to classify a race). After examining what you meant by that one statement, I believe I can move on to the true arguement of yours about holding decendents of past wrongs accountable. This is one of the serious issues that we face today as just about every conflict in the world is caused by the fact that people were wronged in the past and want their damages repayed.
Of change, I can say that everything changes. Europeans have caused us to remember Indians as those masters of horsemanship that we have drilled into our minds from childhood visions of western themed movies, and that is because horses aren't American. When the new technology of horse back riding was introduced, the Native Americans took it and made it their own, starting new oral traditions around them and altering their lifestyle accordingly by increasing trade routes and causing border disputes among different nations. There are more examples of daily life changing throughout history because of a new technology or an introduced concept. Another example took place during the 1949 gold expeditions where suddenly there were supply stores and white people flooding the area. One thing that any miner needed during this time was the old red union suit (a full body underwear), and as more and more white people walked out of the supply store carrying bundles of these suits, the regional tribes took notice. They had assumed that these suits were a symbol of prestige, so they started buying them up as well, only when they wore them, they wore them on the outside to show everybody that they had them. This was a funny misunderstanding, but they took the underwear and changed its meaning so that it became their own. This is an example of a change that doesn't change the fact that they live in a communal society governed by the oral traditions of their grandfathers. Other examples can be seen in subarctic tribes and the use of snow mobiles--they adopt the technology, but use it differently and adapt it to their culture. I can't really claim that this would cause peoples to remain identical to the peoples that they came from, but I can state from this that they will hold onto what they know and pass on the heritage. To think that they would abandon any and all white Anglo influence and live as though they're pre-Columbian, new world cultures is a stretch, especially since they had to be taken from the earth to a distant planet for what I assume to be their new reservations in TNG time frame. However, you must consider which nation inhabited that planet (assuming they each got their own planet), and their views on technology. Going on experience and observation, people who have lived in an air conditioned house will not go back to living in a long house, because they are utterly terrible in the winter. So, though they may build traditional houses for cultural reasons, they most likely won't choose to live in them over houses with greater utility.
After so many centuries will they still be Indians though? At the same time I've always wondered if there would still be white people. As the world has become more accessible to humans, there has been more and more opportunity for gene flow to occur. Now, you have people of European decent having offspring with those of African decent, those out of African with Asians, Asians with Americans, Americans with Europeans, etc. People everywhere on this planet are looking different from their ancestors because of variation in their parents, or their parents' parents. As I go to Powwows each year, I often find myself seeing a lot of people who look as white as someone who just stepped off the boat from Germany, but are raised more Native than I was. Race, as people generally accept it to be will come to an end inevitably as people couple and result in mixed offspring again and again. Currently the government issues CDIB cards that state the amount of Indian blood an Indian as in them, and acts as an id to gain services available to them. Some cards even state the exact percentage on the back, which gives the impression that ethnicities can be diluted (likely due to the fact that the government doesn't like providing services). This brings up a point that I would like to posit, and that is the fact that should a person of 1.5% or lower be considered any less of an indian? I know for a fact that the physiology will change over the course of centuries, as it would with any people with the ability to mix with others, but once everyone looks similar enough where would the lines of race be drawn? Concepts such as people being different, and races established in order to organize people, are merely outdated. Shows such as Star Trek really blew people out of the water as they depicted nobody on the Enterprise as different races other than that of Terran Humans or Vulcan (Spock is the loop hole in the example, because he is both breedable with humans, but also not accepted as human despite the fact that he is treated like one). The fact that TNG would throw in a theme of modern displays of inequality after embedding the fact that everyone is equal almost seems hypocritical on their part.
The Nazi example is a bit over used for this one, because that's typically where people in America go to for shock effect, but it's also exactly it for many people too. There are plenty of examples in the Middle East, Northern Ireland, Africa, South East Asia, and generally anywhere someone stepped on another person's toes. People will blame other people for whatever reason for as long as they possibly can. Northern Ireland is a grand example, because that struggle had been going on for nearly a hundred years until they hit a stand still recently that resulted in peace between the IRA and the British, but not before much violence over the fact that someone's sovereignty was screwed. More of the same in post World Wars Middle East and former the colonies. Each group still blames each other for ideologies that predate their birth, yet they're willing to blow themselves up for the cause. It isn't about liberal/conservative, it is about people wanting justice when that justice doesn't make any sense anymore. I notice you tend to separate issues between liberal and conservative a lot, but there are honestly more ways to divide issues than that, and it would make more sense to an outsider when things are considered like that, because it seems to me that you're stuck in the two party system when you formulate your world view. In regards to someone bitching about compensation because their grandfather got whipped though, you are very correct that they don't have the right.
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| Well that does it. |
[24 Aug 2008|04:57am] |
I've finally gotten the urge to convert from using itunes to using Media Monkey for my synching needs. Basically itunes was being a dick here and there about importing songs, so I said to hell with it and went with something that will do all of what I need and give me no lip. This media player did just that. Now it probably isn't the most functional one out there, but with monkey in the name I just couldn't say no. :D So far I'm happy, and that's what matters.
I guess it's five in the morning, so TODAY I plan on heading up to class for a good two hour workout with the beginner class. I have a couple of buddies that decided to enroll in the Sunday class, so I hope to see them there as well. I'm mainly showing up as a source of inspiration to them, because they have no faith in their ability to do pushups, which threw them off from taking karate in the first place. So if they see me in uniform I hope that gets them to feel more comfortable with the techniques that they'll be learning. Besides, Brian needs to look less like a teddy bear to me and learn some lethal techniques. :P I also plan on dropping my weekly penpal's letter off at the post office on my way so I don't have to run it into the box on my way to school tomorrow. So I'd say with all the riding/kicking, tomorrow will be one hell of a workout. ^_^ I could use it to get my mind to sober up from the thoughts I keep having.
I've missed a day of class, and that means two homework quizzes down the tubes. =_= I was feeling rather shittily on Friday (like I was Thursday), and couldn't get out of bed. I've been having some gnarly nightmares about my ex, that end up quite awkward because I don't want to think about that stuff anymore. One of my newer friends has suggested therapy, which some of my older friends have given up on suggesting already because they've found out that I'm just the way I am. ^^; I won't let a silly fatigued night keep me from school again, and I promise that. I've got to get my perfect semester through!!! >.<
I've also got the strange urge to go back and listen to Type O Negative... O.o I started humming Wolf Moon the other day, and I was totally like "why isn't that on my ipod?" So I had to rush to get that fixed. :P Now I'm stuck listening to gothic rock again, which reminds me a lot of how I was in middle/high school spare for the brief U2 binge here and there. At least I'm not constantly listening to Japanese music at the moment, and I'm glad for that, because it's becoming sorta stressful trying to translate it in my head all the time when I don't know enough words. @_@
I also need to crack down on the rest of my homework for Monday tomorrow, because I let my Japanese assignments kinda stew in the corner, and they look like they're developing a malevolent shadow over them... o.o;
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| I feel ugly... -_- |
[20 Aug 2008|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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Ugly |
] |
I made a gentle comment about how some people look perfectly fine in clothes, however when they disrobe look horribly ugly. The second party agreed to that statement, but then she continued with the emoticons like she was trying to hide something but letting honesty give a slip at the same time. Basically, I took that to mean that I was ugly nude... :( I know male bits aren't all that pretty compared to a woman's, but I was hoping to have at least been bearable to her during the relationship! >.<;; I feel sad, and ugly, right now because of that... I don't think it's any wonder why girls just up and leave now, but since she was the only one that saw me undone, she was thrown off of guys! T~T I hate me so much right now...
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| So far, so good with classes |
[20 Aug 2008|12:33am] |
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mood |
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Anxiety attack? Why?! |
] |
Well, now that I've had the first of each class I can say that it all looks good. My plan to avoid buying all my books out of my sheer need to conserve money has been going swimmingly as the MRC has allowed me to borrow their book to do my homework in there, which has saved me about $130 because there were no used books to zap $15 off o f that price tag... Artistic Traditions of Native Americans also has me stoked, because I both have an excuse to go the the Indian art fair up at Haskell, but I can also see the instructor going into bizarre string theory rants when someone can't accept that some cultures don't see the color red. :D Japanese is a real trip though, because provided my experience studying/speaking other asian languages, I've really got a boost up on the other students; basically kanji is ALMOST the same as mandarin, so when I'm pretty much able to read now that I've memorized hiragana and portions of katakana...however I still don't have the vocabulary to know what I'm reading... O.o I'm sure I'll do great anyway, because my dearest friend will help me out here and there when I'm not teaching her everything I learn in class... =_= With her linguistic skills, she'll be a better conversation partner than I am by the time I'm done taking this course...
Training with Roy again really brought my spirits up again, I can totally lose all the horrible thoughts and memories when I'm trying to shadow box in synchronous with him... The second level class was the same as it is every year--a nice refresher and a lot of sweat. We did everything to the half-way point of the first belt earned, and we'll finish it up to the yellow belt routines tomorrow. I don't know if I can do the geri routine quite yet, granted I've done it over the summer when I should have been healing my destroyed joints, but I just worry that I'll fall down in front of all the under belts that look up to me... Assuming they still do after my fall from grace, but since Anna wasn't there to talk trash to me, I don't think any of them picked up on it. My ankles still twinge every now and again, but I'm wearing a good brace on them, so I'm hoping if I can save enough money to buy food for myself every day, they won't die out on me again and I can continue to emulate my idol... +_+
Yesterday in Japanese class, there were just way more otaku than I'd have expected... Certainly they'd be the prime consistency of the class, but merely four out of twenty-something had nothing to do with anime!!! O.O And I'm pretty sure I was one of that four too (even though I do watch and read a lot of manga <.<)... One of the non-otaku was a fellow matrial artist, who looked a mite familiar come to think of it, that specialized in kick boxing and iaido and other forms of kenjutsu. I don't understand why he up and announced it to the whole class... =_= That destroyed his most secret weapon!!! Somehow, I sorta want to spar with him a little, just to get a feel for him and maybe make friends. My favorite character of the class is probably the token fifteen year old caffeinated fan girl that just couldn't stop talking. She sorta reminded me of my dear Jacie, only she was actually fifteen and very much less attractive, but they did however share the same admiration for Sailor Moon. O.o I didn't really assert myself in that class, so hopefully nobody thinks I'm the mean bishie type... >.<;;;
Also, my mom was fired from her job last week. Don't worry she's quite glad, because the way they were dicking with her caused her health to decline, and I was so worried for her. :( But now she can refresh and hunt for a happier job while still maintaining her quest to right the unjust happenings at her last employment. This does however mean that I have to help her out financially until she's on her feet again... She told me that she'd get me back for it, but I asserted that it is what I'm for. I'm looking at some decent job openings anyway, so a few hundred gone every couple months isn't going to bother me until I absolutely can't save any money after my living expenses... I'm not worried, she's a much stronger woman than I am, so I guarantee that she'll find a new job in no time.
My legs are getting pretty sore from all the cycling I've done to save money, but I'm sure that it'll be worth it by the time I don't feel any pain going up those hills anymore! XD Besides, the extra workout has given me a good boost of power in my kicking, which is good. However, it's also made my flexibility and speed go down. Which is bad. So I'm going to be practicing to compensate and compliment my notoriously strong feminine legs! ;)
That's all I've got right now, because I both have to stop having an anxiety attack, and get my Japanese homework done, so I'm going to buckle down on that. MEEP! Today is the 20th--Taekwondo starts on the Olympics today!!! SCORE!!! XD I'm watching it, how about you? ^_~
P.S. Why is my ex's current girlfriend stalking me on Okcupid? Why does she even have one?! O.o;; Yeah, that's bothering me right now...
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| First day of school |
[14 Aug 2008|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
I'm about to set off on the wet bike ride, because it's raining. I have my first class at 1800, and I'm pretty stoked for this class, because it has a lot to do with my own culture. Sure, I get enough Native American art from my best friend Liz, but Seriously, all I ever get to see is her weaving and bead work... I want to know more! ^.^ So hopefully I get an A in this class from my desire to learn. Friday is my early class. Boo!
Jacie received her letter a day early... O.o Awesome? It cheered her up to finally get mail from somebody, though she was kinda jealous that her roomie got another giant package in the mail... However, she now has a pen pal--and so do I--to be happy and anxious for. :) We aren't that far away, but we still don't see each other very much, so I think it's pretty cool. I can't wait to get mail from her now! :D I hope our relationship doesn't move from this spot, because we're really good friends again. ^_^
P.S. My right ankle started aching yesterday during practice... Boo!!! >.<;;
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| And then he was broke... |
[12 Aug 2008|10:42am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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And then I broke down and bought a handle bar bag for the bike. I haven't given up on the lights quite yet, but I was getting a tad too annoyed with wearing a backpack in this heat when all I really needed to do was send a letter... Basically, I went with a cheap-o one from Walmart that cost about ten bucks ($10.72 to be exact) that looks like it can hold most things I'd go out for on the bike anyway--novels, movies, games, candy, drink, etc. I was really aiming for one of those nice fifty dollar folding baskets that can fit an entire trip to the grocery store so I don't have to drive down to get a few ingredients. It would have also saved on spending as well, because people buy tons of shit because they're confident it'l all fit in your car, but when you have a little basket, you tend to be a bit more picky with what you actually buy during that trip. Hopefully next time I have to send a letter or buy something I'll be able to transport it without having my backpack make my back sweaty... Yeah, I went there. The zipper tends to stick just a bit, and the stitching looks a bit dodgy in areas, but I'm going to pretend that it isn't as single-stitched as it looks and use it anyway. I'll probably restitch it anyway when it breaks, because I'm cheap like that. So now I'm just a bit broke now if you don't count my shit-ton of pennies sitting in my room. I figure I'll either just put those in the bank or use it for food stuffs this semester, because I've already spent money on the bicycle.
Felt pretty nice to be sending a personal letter again, I haven't done that in years. It was sort of a spur-of-the-moment type deals too, because I was sitting talking to my father on the phone and watching the Olympics when I suddenly had the urge to send someone some mail. Strangely enough (ok, maybe not strange at all), I decided to send a letter to Jacie. Basically, I broke down and re-established communication, because I apparently wasn't ready to cut myself off from her after that last email she sent. Perhaps if I keep it solely to traditional mail, things will become even more mellow between us than they already are. Granted, I'm fairly comfortable with anything she says already, it'd be nice to have a fresh new way to talk to her with some time lag. Also, I hate instant messaging and email all the time. It just seems like things have become too easy and boring anymore. :/
School starts for me Thursday, and I'm not so stoked about how much the books are going to cost. $74 for a workbook?! Get the hell out of here with that nonsense... I understand my other texts are in excess of $100, but lab manuals and workbooks shouldn't ever have to cost over $30. also, my Native American art book is only about $17... Seriously, wtf? Indian traditions aren't able to match the worth of a math book apparently. Lame!
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| I have a new gray hair! :( |
[12 Aug 2008|08:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Going gray again... |
] |
It's half dark too, so it's a fairly recent one. I think this brings my count to three or four, I can't remember. I really don't feel like turning into some emo Sephiroth wannabe just yet either, so it kinda sucks. :/
( Picture included )
I sure wish it weren't so noticeable to me, like the couple in the back of my head, but since I've got long hair, it sorta jumps right out and says "hi." Not fun. Hopefully I'll stop thinking about it and it'll just go away in my mind. I have a feeling some people aren't going to let it slide so easily though, and the teasing is going to suck donkey balls. This is what happens when you over work yourself I guess. *shrugs* Or, it could be another genetic anomaly in my hair. Doesn't matter, it's still there. And I was just getting my hair fixed to look pretty too. :( Too bad the Gods don't approve the use of hair dye. :P
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| It's only been four days... |
[09 Aug 2008|09:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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distressed |
] |
And I'm already insane. =_= I hate leaving things on a sour note, and I'm terrified that I did just that... I'm quite sure that she hasn't paid me a single thought the entire time, which makes her stronger than me I suppose, but since she was expecting me to be there the first few days, I still worry. Why did she want to keep me around? Why do I even want to stay around? Why am I still thinking about her? I just don't know what to do, I want to hear from her and I know that's just going to fuck it all up again. I was never this weak before, and I've never had this much issue staying apart from someone I've recently broken up with. I feel like I should give her her friend back, but I'm also worried that she either a.) will continue to be fucked up by me, or b.) won't want to talk to me anymore--which will probably fuck me up for a while. I wonder if it'd be worse than now, imagining her acting like I was never even in her life and not being able to let go of my dear friend to get over the fact that I still love her. I'm very scared that I can't keep to my will and stay any communication with her. This would be a lot easier if she wasn't so easy to cry over things...
The nightmares are getting worse again, but they aren't bothering me such much now that I'm not starving anymore. I was able to get dinner almost every night this week--score! Regardless, I can't take seeing the things I see when I shut my eyes; if it isn't her, it's something else... I don't want to see either of those things when I sleep or space out! Nobody should have to see those things... :(
I'm going to take a walk with outside for a long while until I quit thinking stupid thoughts. I'm pretty scared that I'll end up calling her, but I'm confident in my fear of phones that I'll refrain. I hate being so weak with her, I should have been able to walk out the moment when we first discovered that things would be hard for us the day we fell in love.
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| The Worry Hat |
[09 Aug 2008|12:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
The same thing happens to me when I acquire an item...
Speaking of such stat boosting armor pieces, I could really use one right about now. I had the darnedest time keeping my mind in the fight when I went to the dojo tonight. My buddy kept getting easy shots because of it, and it's bothering me. Not that he keeps getting hits, but that I can't get my mind off of what's bothering me. The worry hat would do me a great deal of good right now...
Aside from future brain damage and internal bleeding, I did have a grand workout. We sparred for half a Dragonforce CD and ended up going over routines for a bit after that. If we get to have our free hour at the dojo like this every week, I can see myself getting my bearings again. I need work on my entry, my evasion, my aim, my reaction speed, and my telegraphing. It makes me feel like I'm a little kid again how I retreat straight back until I've got no room to evade, I don't miss those blatant ass beatings... I've got to get a hold of my mind before I can get any better. Once I win the field of my mind, I can win over other people again. I hope I don't mess up big time to sit out an entire year again, that was just torture.
The silly thing is, my buddy seems just as much out of it as I do. I think we might need a third so we don't refine bad habits. :P
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| Shit. |
[08 Aug 2008|06:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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WTF? |
] |
She hasn't quite gotten the hint, which was explained to her numerous times in the past when I tried just the same solution. She emailed me wondering why I've been avoiding her, and it seems like she's taking it as an offense. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I gave her a reply because I believed I'd owed her one. Basically I said that she's still my best friend, but things had become complicated and I have no choices left in the matter. If I stick around, we'll both be on the path to destruction, I knew it deep down, and I've had others confirm it for me. She's making this difficult for me, and I'm extremely tempted to run back and say all my sorries so that she won't be angry and hate me. But I'll do my best to refrain... >.<;;
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elevator_man's journal